I want to be that happy girl that is bubbly all the time, but I am not. I lose myself in books and I lose myself in music. I find a lot of comfort in sadness and I always have. My life has never been the easier and those that should understand don’t. I find myself getting yelled at for being insecure, by people that are supposed to love me, I find myself not being reassured in the right ways. And I have to wonder if it is me or them? I want that true love that everyone wants. I love my husband dearly, I do. I just feel like he doesn’t understand me in ways I wish he would.
Another thing that bothers me is we have been apart for 6 months and today we fought. He didn’t say sorry, he acted like he was justified in a fight about something trivial. He almost never admits he’s wrong when he does it’s after I am so done with it. I really am trying to be the best wife I can, but unless it changes it isn’t going to work.
I leave tomorrow and I am really nervous about our future. He can’t stop being petty and I am no saint, but I really do try. I am looking forward to being with friends again and hopefully, everything else will fall into place. I have so many dreams about my life and where I want it to go, but I can’t do it with someone who doesn’t understand.
Hope the next blog is happier one.